a little care, a little of everything

A little bit of care, a little bit of everything

I sat on the edge of my bed tonight, wondering what I was going to do, because it's a "free night" as they call it. My partner is not here, the kids are sleeping. I had not planned anything. Without knowing where it came from, I started singing a song, "In the name of love". You know, some songs touch your soul and even give you energy that you didn't think you had inside. I decided to look it up on the internet and listened to it. I started to feel transported, and I realized that I wanted to take my time tonight before I went to bed. Yes, I made sure to apply my makeup remover, cleansing milk and makeup remover and finally went to my retinol for the evening.

The music gave way to another one, the same kind, and I realized that in the name of love means a lot. Yes, I felt like I could love myself tonight, did some more TLC, and after a nice shower that I took the time to enjoy, I got ready for bed. Before bed, I asked myself, what won't we do in the name of love? For ourselves? For those we love? That's not the way the lyrics of the song go, but the question plagued me. I let myself listen to the song once more and then I thought of my younger days. Yes, when I was looking for love and nobody understood me.

Yes, I have been looking for love since I was 4 years old. I once told my mother who was tormenting me with school work, that I came looking for my husband. I also thought about my twenties, when everything seemed so uncertain about my future, about my happiness in a couple, my family life. I had so many unanswered questions as I navigated this life of young adulthood just out of my teens. And now, I asked myself? What do you think about this period?

Well, dear friends, at that very moment, I realized that I could not have visualized better the love I felt for my little family, for my partner, for myself. In that very moment, I was so grateful that tears of emotion rolled down my cheeks gently as I listened to this song after my introspection. Yes, "gratitude" and "thankfulness" are common words. But how often do we take the time to go deep inside ourselves, to analyze what we have, the true love that surrounds us, the true love that emanates from our hearts, from our being, and to say THANK YOU.

Tears flowed for a few good minutes, not because I don't have difficulties, or that my situation is ideal: I can find you 50 ways to improve my life and make me happier. But I, and some of you know this deep down, was not looking for happiness. I was looking for love; I was looking for that love which gives peace of heart. I was looking for that love that would give me those little moments of happiness, those little moments of inner peace. Only then, at these precise moments, I allow myself to believe in paradise, in the real one, the one we create, the one we have the key to, the one made by our spirit and mind when in the middle of the night everything is silent around us, and the bottom line, the most meaningful things reveal themselves to our soul.